by Dirty Pour 09-29-17 5:12 AM
BODYBOOKING
“Guess what I did last weekend, Gurl!”
Well, well, well, look at what we have to BLOG here…. What shady scandal shall we start with first? Let’s ponder THAT for a moment…. OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH!!! BOKEY ESCAPADERS set sail for “City of Celery” in the downtown hysterical district. This is where I was this past weekend. Out & About. Shopping. Getting my corn husks removed. The basics. Yes, that’s right. This is because lately I’ve been laying low-key in da Bokey AREA. BUT. I will say I needed a break and a BIG one FAST! Howeva, didn’t bring any CASH. And wasn’t selling my ASS. Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Then had to dash. This week’s story involves a sister twister with a turnt up Mr. let’s begin RIGHT hurrrrrrr…. Howeva, should we begin by starting our plot off with the “Grimy Gremlin” or the HOTT mess in a dress or ALMOST missing my bus or barley getting left at a restaurant or the “Drunken Disaster” Or the slave master screaming, “FASTER! FASTER!” BTW. We ain’t gots all day. That last one about a slave master was a joke, okay?
Actually we are going to start off with… yep you guess it. The title of this weeks theme, BODYBOOKING! For those of you who don’t know Bodybooking is: 1) “Someone who is constantly posting pictures on social-media of themselves in swims suits or workout clothes to show everyone how hot they really are.
Also paired with constant status updates about fruits, vegetables, juicing, working out, going to health food stores and posting articles about those topics. This generally annoys the shit out of others and there are never any comments on the posts except for the person’s lover or significant other who is equally obsessed and annoying.”
2) A person who constantly post pictures of themselves while working out, topless or in a bikini thong, or in workout clothes with no sweat on their face. Could be compared to a douchebag workout, if extreme.
3) “Alleged straight guys posting shirtless phone pic selfies that have been taken either in bathrooms, bedrooms, or other various intimate locations.” 4) A hooker that’s really good at scheduling all of his or her appointments.
I’ve currently come to the realization that I, Dirty Pour am the Simone Giertz of BLOGS!!! Always coming up with new and innovative ways to put you on the floor with you grabbing at those busted guts pf yours. Don’t be mad. I’m NOT quite sure why EVERYONE is upset with OUR current Presidency and their policies. It’s VERY obvious why the administration is frowning upon football players kneeling while taking the Pledge of Allegiance during the National Anthem. Think about this, how else would the POTUS be able to GRAB all of the player’s PUSSIES? Speaking of pussies…. My homeboi Cash told me that in his opinion the VERY famous “Like” a virgin pop star has a near mint pussy and that’s really what the song is about. Huh? Anyways, now’s chat time to discuss “Grimy Gremlin” and almost getting stranded at the sushi bar. This being because “Grimy Gremlin” gots jelly cause our server was giving me more attention than it. Now you’d think since “Grimy Gremlin” kept going into the bathroom probably to Cruise & Cottage it’s latest victim’s unforeseen and unfortunately having to succumb to unwanted attempts of buggery. NEXT!
Last but NOT least OUR “Drunken Disaster”. As I was walking down the street, a car stopped and the driver started yelled something at me. He wasn’t discrete in any way, shape, or form. I thought to myself… who was he and why was he yelling at me? Hunty. Honestly, I wasn’t working the streets. Nor trying to jump in da sheets. Or the corners. Not this time anyways. Shhhhh…. Seriously. I wasn’t wearing ANY slutty lil outfits or performing any “Hood Hour Twerk” either. Sooo…? Why all of the attention??? It turns out it was a friend of mine’s neighbor warning me about my friend. That she went off on the DEEP END again and has been on a heavy drinking binge. Because of this, her sponsor was now trying to gets her “Baker Acted”. OUCH! Ummm. Last time I checked, she’s over 21 and pays ALL of her bills. DAMN! Let the woman have a FUCKING drink. It’s been a rough couple weeks and Porto Rico is STILL out of basic vital amenities. Times are Hard. Better be on guard. Here’s to, without tears. I’ll have two for you too, Dears. CHEERS! Then three for ALL those queers. Slowly forgetting my deepest fears. Switching gears. This rant’s ends are nears.
-Dirty Pour
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