by Dirty Pour 09-07-2017 12:28 AM

HORS D’OEUVRES 

Guess what I did last weekend, Gurl…!
I told myself that I wasn’t gonna do this again but it ended up happening anyways. Damn it.  Another boring Saturday night on Labor Day weekend. Just my luck. Home alone & stuck like Chuck. Oh shit. What a MUCK. Shameful. Well at least I had a FAB-U-LOUS time Friday night which I’ll be telling you sweetie pies ALL about it in just a moment. Like I LOVE to say, “Scandals to da Sandals”. They might as well call me Olive cause da juice Ima bout to pour is really THAT dirty. This story I’m seconds away from disclosing with you is about an art show, the senior citizen, me doing porn, and a bright house. Yet another bright house. But first I wanna bitch some more about my lame Saturday. No one told me that my Labor Day weekend meant that it was gonna be a painful one like having contractions and constipation at the same time. I deserve to get Booty Buffed again really soon to make up for it. BTW.

Friday. Friday. Friday. I must say what happened Friday night was enough to cover a three day weekend, trust me. An openwork upper overlapping a double decker trifecta if you may. First the art show. As we walked up we could hear the performer singing proud like church just let out and she was the former son of a preacher man. While we were there my friends kept digging into all of the complimentary hors d’oeuvres strategically laying around in various areas that obviously strangers had fingered hours before our arrival. Gross. And the artists in the show. One artist’s name sounded like an overpass and another a played out clothing label. On the contrary, apparently both more ambitious than myself. Don’t let me forget about the piece that had the word terrorism on it. Shocking[YAWN]. I’m not sure what the theme of the event was either. In fact I may not have even been invited to this party. Ooops!

Now we’re gonna cover the part about the senior citizen and me doing porn…. The senior citizen happens to be my friend’s friend’s mother who is now my friend too. Cute lady. I’m not sure if this was a joke or she was giving me a compliment or she was referring to me as a Tramp. BUT. She said that I was attractive and wanted to know if I ever did porn. I responded with no thinking the conversation was over. Quite the contrary. She then proceeded to ask me why I never did porn. Silly me, I thought it was obvious why I never did porn. Because that ain’t a way to make a living if you’re LOVING yourself. Right? Then again, those crafty BITCHES are getting paid and I’m not. So I replied with, “Cause I’m stupid and that’s why I’ve never done porn!” I mean, how do you respond and not react to that? Maybe this was her all time fantasy to meet a romp tromp fromp porn-star icon. Who knows.

Last but not least, the bright house. Actually this involved two bright houses. The art show’s gallery was in a bright house and the senior citizen lives in a bright house. The same freaking color. Creepy. The senior citizen bright house came with two bottles that we brought over. Senior citizen bright house was also where we had the after party that late night and early morning. Unfortunately, DJ not included. Hence why I kept nodding off. It was better than listening to my two homegurls hackeling and cackling at one another like two old feisty, shiesty, wretched, & ratchet, thirsty, dry, bitter, NASTY queens. Enough of THAT. Let’s not forget about that nice strait boi we met earlier, who said he made a craft outta handling some good wood. Yum. I’m talking a henched up cracker make you wanna factor. IN. Getting slung-up with him, a little white pride with his fem. Did I just say that? Yes. He was a 10.

-Dirty Pour