Guess what I did last weekend, Gurl…!
We have survived another weekend of Hurricane Harveys’ and Confederate Conspiracies. I just sooo happen to be in a city named after one of those fuckers too. Well… I hope EVERYONE is WELL armed and can soon learn the value of sharing blankets of pink and purple (unicorn gang colors) and yet not click glitter in each others eyes. Especially during a time of need like this one. Whether you’re playing the victim or the heroin. Even though what happened in Texas is horrendous, it was incredible to see all of the LOVE and compassion coming from 1,000’s of individuals everywhere to help one another. Anyway an Artist friend of mine invited me to be her date for a birthday shindig this past Saturday. Let me just say… CHILD. BOO. HONEY…. PLEASE.

It started off real cute and mellow as things often do. BUT all that changed in a blink of one of your falsies. What had happened was…. We started at a brewery on the balcony. Bad idea. Heat raises. However, two females in the group entertained us for a bit. One went on and on about her vegetarian boifriend when she found out I was Vegan. Dear GOD. While the other one pulled a disappearing act for an hour with a guy that was apart of the group. I hope it was THAT good that the two of you could NOT wait until you were leaving to do whateva it is that you two do. OMG how rude!!! Birthday gurl gots too twisted then proceeded to share bedroom tales, no thank you. Let’s be like Buddha and live in the moment. Not talk about who whistled your gristle 10 yrs ago. NEXT!

Now to TOP this all off, my date and I get cock-blocked from the only cute single guy there, who was of coarse talking about his job the whole time. To make matters worse we were BLOCKED like fools watching the Solar Eclipse with fake lens, by a faghag pretending to be a news reporter who came in from left field. She swooped in like a buzzard on a carcass’ hard ass. You would have sworen he was giving out FREE phones on Black Friday. We never saw THAT thang coming… well…. Long story longer. We dipped out and went to another venue. The second place we arrived at was playing Electronic Dance Music. Deep House. Score. My friend’s friend knows someone who knows someone else who blows the DJ. Therefore we made it into the booth where undoubtedly there was a bottle already cracked, waiting for us. Fierce. I soon made it towards the dance floor for a minute to work the crowd and show them how it’s done. Yeeeeeaaaouuusssss! Honey. Trussss….

Yes, it’s Dirty Pour & you know you want more. I’m here to Represent, bringing you eloquent. Awe, look at the time. Before I’m a mess, it’s time to press. Don’t wanna get outta line. Next we went and got something GREASY. SALTY. EXPENSIVE. Now ready for bed. Sunday Funday = Sleep Deep. We both made it home safe. We had an interesting night. Pillows are what’s trending and tweeted currently in my bedroom. I do hope this Labor Day Weekend is a fun and safe one. Wondering if that Tranny Minion from three weeks ago will be lurking around town again??? She was wearing next to nothing, assuming cause it’s hott as an oven. Florida temperatures be all the way up. Hey. Yo. WTF?! If a rapper named after a bottle of rum can afford red bottom fun without having to dance, I wanna know where my shoe factory is to prance? Where it’s at? How about THAT???

-Dirty Pour