Ms.Outta Date
FUNHOUSE
Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen! It’s yours truly, Dirty Pour. Well I’m back to serve you up some more grapevine gore galore This weeks all bout FUNHOUSE! FUNHOUSE! FUNHOUSE!. I know for awhile there you’ve been craving my weekly dish. Didn’t really mean to make you wait on hold, draw two, or go fish! But lately there hasn’t been anythang to chat about that’s juicy nor delish. That is at least subject matter to bother ranting about… yet, PLEASE have no doubt! ALL that has soon changed… from just plain and mundane old Dirty Pour to absolutely, DERANGED in the membrane!!!! I have some WONDERFUL updates to broadcast, just you wait!!! Sooo…? The GREAT news is, I’m a muse for an Artist formally singing the blues. Yes, BITCHES!!! I’m a model now and for the LOVE of the Arts my body can be used. Wouldn’t be the first time… Looks like it won’t be the last…. Let’s discuss the present now and NOT my dirty little past….
The name of the Exhibition is SHOWTIME and it gonna be a blast!!! In a gallery attached to a pub with a VERY talented cast. A variety of local Artists each destined to last. Rumor even has it that Ms. Disaster-Relief Spills will be willing to export the thrills, giving you lots of chills for your folding bills. Not really sure for whom that fulfills but the BITCH do gots creativity and on going skills. Check her out as she’s snug and stout representing for that color green. Allegedly she is doing Performance Art, whateva THAT is supposed to mean. Unfortunately, I will not be attending due to me handling my other THING. Howeva, my image will… and It ain’t no mugshot up in BOOK-ing. Now that’s a first. Ahhh… YES. BUT don’t go there Ms.Ting!!! I’ve been at my worst. LIFE has tossed and dunked me around it’s boxing ring. NOW that is in reverse. I owe it all to you my Dirty Pour nursed. YOU all my viewers, you gimmie Sooo…! MUCH love it’s about to BURST! My ego that is… speaking of bursts…
Did I ever tell you about that time that I worked for a circus in a place called the Court Jester’s big FUNHOUSE? Where I proudly wore my costume with the loose flowing blouse. I’ll tell you what, it was EVERYTHING but fun. Working there I felt like a nun on the run with a stolen handgun. There was lots of hoops and shoots I had to crawl, jump, & suspend myself into as well as out of. Tight rope walking high, high above. Soaring like humming bird, eagle, or dove. This place was the pits, the opposite of ANY Ritz. Theatre or cracker. Just a bunch of chatter. It did howeva make me go into mad tantrums, fusses, and fits! Nightmares too did I encounter, the shakes, the shivers, and even the shits!!! Let’s go over more about the Court Jester’s big FUNHOUSE and less about me. There was MANY smoking mirrors, CLOWNS, monkeys, and elephants you see. While I ran around in my FUNHOUSE pants just trying to dance it up. The clowns put on all of their suits with TONS and TONS of make-up. Much like the white trash females featured in two gurls one cup.
Then they ALL would climb high piling up and squeezing tight. VERY sweaty and gross, and bunched up JUST like bedbugs or well feed mites. Moments before jumping out into our audience going around and around, through out the whole night. The elephants and clowns would perform together and it was a terrible sight. Actually you couldn’t tell them apart, GOD what a fright. It was like looking at a bad, used, smelly living room set with worn, scratched-up leather. Rented to own someday by a THOT named Heather. Trust me, I’ve seen MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, better. Rubbing sandpaper on my crotch under a wool sweater has gotten me wetter. Oh, yes…and the monkeys that we had there did well, whatever. It was one of the MOST saddest acts THAT I have ever seen. I would laugh so HARD to myself that I would almost split a seam. I kept waking up everyday hoping it was but a midsummer’s dream. No, just clowns face tossing each other pies filled with cream.
Looking back, very few people would come out for the show. Not even the ring master, I’m telling you a TOTAL disaster don’t you know. I worked many of nights and it would be Sooo…! fucking SLOW!!! I kept thinking WOW this FUNHOUSE sure does BLOW! Still day after day I got ready for work till one day they let me go. Yay! Finally I was free to be followed by a whoopee, yippee, shaking a tittie. And a, “UNIVERSE, I do thank thee”!!! All cheerfully full of glee. Speaking of a flying monkey star, what about that kook named Hoe-Man’s Scar? Talk about putting your foot in your mouth, then chewing it till you reach down South. Examine the FACT that she’s always been a controversial person. Howeva I think her tastelessness surely has worsened. I just chalked it up as yet another publicity stunt. A camera hog thirsting like an ape on the hunt. While twinkling in the wee hours of the night being a CUNT. She should have been tweeting about how her TV show pairs nicely with a BLUNT. She blamed the odd behavior on a sleeping med. HOE if you ain’t chatting up your show reROOT, then you should GO TO BED!!!
Now your Million Dollar Empire, suddenly it’s DEAD. Naturally the pharmaceutical company fired BACK at her rear. Proclaiming even though their product does in fact have side effects, my Dear. RACISM is NOT one of them and they made THAT very, very, CLEAR. In other words, continue taking their product without any FEAR. Maybe THIS sleep aid company should come out with a product that would wipe away Bigotry. Until that time comes I’ll still continue bromancing with those butch muscle queens and their Grandeur Faggotry. Predictability not needed, the President gratuitously skeeted on her babble that was tweeted with his social media meat. [YAWN!] Trump-a-Bump-Bump you’re starting to bore me…. NOW come lick these FEET!!! His shock value is becoming extremely WEAK. Plus his hairdresser should be the one NEXT for him to DELETE!!! Lace front for men ALREADY!!! His hair is like a song with no BEAT. Well, until next time…. I’m ready for my rest medicine and my cocktail stirred NEAT!!!! -Dirty Pour
*All persons, places, and things mentioned in this blog are fictional and are creative expressions of the writer based around it’s main character Dirty Pour. Enjoy.